Not all of them will be related to Evel Knieval. I feel like this guy is NOT going to make it Sooner or later people will probably start trying to jump over it with Jet Skis. Never underestimate the intelligence of feral cats.īut there’s one thing to remember about Key Largo. This seemed to work until the cats banded together and started lopping off the tips of the left ears of their unsterilized companions. There have been efforts to curtail the cats by catching them, sterilizing them, lopping off the tops of their left ears to mark them and then releasing them back into the wilds of the local luxury resorts. They might as well strap small magnesium flares to their heads and lay down on dinner plates, as far as the ravenous feral cats are concerned. When the rats construct their houses, they make a TON of noise dragging all that stuff through the forest in the middle of the night. Take another look at that large cone-shaped pile of sticks and branches in the photo above. The KLWRs don’t make it any easier for themselves either. Predation from snakes, raccoons, Shoebill Cranes, Komodo Dragons, warthogs and a huge raving horde of feral cats hasn’t helped. Overall though, despite their flair for decorating, the Wood Rats along Key Largo have been in decline due to pressure from agriculture and construction of things like missile silos and luxury resorts. Newly-constructed Florida Wood Rat house awaiting festooning by industrious occupant I’ll send you an autographed hockey stick.

If you can come up with something less incoherent in under two hours let me know. One hundred and twenty minutes to be exact. It was the best thing I could come up with. What does that even mean? I have no idea. (Key Largo is in South Florida, doing its level (!) best to stay above the water level.)īy the way, I just want you to know that “Florida Wood Rat Crisis!” can be rearranged into the following cryptic exclamation: Meanwhile, when you’re not brandishing your hockey stick, one of the other things you could be doing with your time is learning about the plight of the beleagured Key Largo Wood Rat. Yes!! Thank you Government of Alberta! Long live clarity of written speech. Just in case you thought the following poster was an example of the increasing problem we’re having with Fake Posters, here is the link: Īnd here is the poster: Plus, if they cough or sneeze you can also whack them with the hockey stick Same thing.Īnyways, apparently somebody else had second thoughts-or even first thoughts-about Social Distancing and decided to do something about it. Or maybe it was from the Government Of Alberta. I thought maybe I was the only one who had a Social Distancing bone stuck in my throat until I saw this poster put out by the Department Of Thinking Up Things You Can Do With A Hockey Stick.

Socially distanced couple immediately after a fight over toilet paper.

If the viruses had genetically-modified nano-gunsights, that is.īasically, I don’t think Social Distancing is a very precise name for a behavioural constraint. Meanwhile you would remain square in the genetically-modified nano-gunsights of any stray viruses that might happen to be wafting your way from the other person. To me, that would be an example of being socially distant but still physically proximate. These things would include picking up musical instruments, playing them in some cases, trying to buy paint (assuming you don’t live in the State of Michigan), painting things, taking note of the fact that zoo animals are now fornicating at an alarming rate because nobody is gawking at them, and last but not least, figuring out that “Social Distancing” is just a pretentious way of saying “Don’t get too close to other people.”Īfter all, you could be right beside someone but remain mute and/or generally uncommunicative. Many of us have excess time on our hands these days and some of us are even putting it to good use doing all kinds of things.

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